Sorry About That

Yep. . . I know, It's been a while since we've spoke.  I've been stuck in life and you know how that can be sometimes.

I hurt my neck recently, and ended up stuck in bed for several weeks. I couldn't walk, drive, or even stand to spend more than a few minutes at a time on the computer.  I couldn't even watch TV without serious problems.The only thing I could do without any problems at all was study the Bible.  That was the only position I could hold my head and I wouldn't get dizzy, or get blind-spots in my vision, or get crippling headaches.

And it was during this time that I really started studying things that I had been praying about for a long time.  It's amazing what God will show you when you truly open yourself to Him and His Truth.  It's also amazing the lengths He will go to in order to answer your prayers when you've been asking Him to teach you His Truth.... such as causing the only thing you can do without pain is study His Word. lol

For years I lived under guilt and condemnation because I didn't believe what religion teaches us to believe concerning different things.  And in 2008, I gave it all to God, surrendering everything to Him, being completely honest about what I believed, holding NOTHING back, and asked Him for His Truth.

I even surrendered my pride, telling him that I didn't care whether I was right or wrong, I just wanted His Truth.  I told Him that I was ready, that if I was wrong and religion was right, to show me, because all that mattered to me was that I was making Him happy by doing what pleased Him.  I didn't want to walk around saying and believing the wrong thing, when at the very deepest part of my heart all I ever wanted to do was please Him.

That's all I have ever wanted to do since I was a child, was to "make God smile".

I accepted Christ as my Savior, when I was eight years old.

I made the choice, it wasn't pushed on me.  I had been exposed to God, but never told that I had to love Him or anything.  My mother told me, one time after I accepted Christ, that she believed it wouldn't mean anything if she and my father made the choice for me.  So, all she and my father set out to do was show us what it was like to have God in their lives. And they did this by discussing their beliefs with me, taking me to church almost every week, praying before meals and before bed. They DID NOT, however, beat me over the head with the Bible, telling me that I was going to go to hell if I didn't believe.  They never used the Bible to condemn me or to teach me to condemn others, but instead to teach about compassion and love for others.

So, on that Wednesday night when I went to bible study with mom and the pastor ended the session with an "Alter Call", I looked at my mother and told her I wanted to go.

She looked at me and asked me if I understood what that meant, and I can remember that I felt like that was a silly question as I answered, "Yes.  I want God to come live in me."

And to this day, forty-four years later, I can still remember to look on my mother's face when I said that.  I didn't have the words then, at eight years of age, to describe it, I just knew it was a look I hadn't ever seen on her face before.  And I remember noticing that it looked like she was going to cry.

So, she walked me down and we knelt at the far end, kind of away from the others.

When Dr. Rydell, our pastor, came over to offer Mom communion and pray with her, she told him that we were there for me.  And when he asked her if I truly understood what it meant, she told him, "Ask her."

He stepped over in front of me, squatted down, and looked me in the eye and asked me if I knew what this all meant.  Again I felt like it was a silly question, after all, he should have understood it better than anyone because of who he was.  So I answered, never breaking eye contact, "Yes.  I want God to come live in me.  I want Jesus in my life." And again, forty-four years later, I still remember the look that came over his face.  It was the same look my mother had.

He kissed my forehead as he got up, which confused me a little, offered me communion, and prayed with me as I accepted God and Jesus into my heart and life.  Then he laid his hands on both mine and my mother's heads and prayed over us.

As we walked back to our seats, I can remember becoming just a little frightened by how quiet everyone was.  You could have heard a feather hit the carpet in that sanctuary right then.  I also remember how everyone wanted to shake mine and my mother's hands, and saying "Bless you", and wondering why.

A short time after that I was baptized.

I have always had an "ache" for God.  And like I said, I have always wanted to make Him smile and to feel joy, because I was doing the right things.  I wanted to make Him proud, a lot like how a child is eager to make their parent proud.

So, like I said earlier, I was only able to do one thing that wouldn't cause me to suffer, and that was study God's Word on those things that I was confused and worried about back in 2008.

And as I have said in the past, I never, NEVER force my beliefs on anyone.  Christ NEVER forced himself on anyone, and I try to follow His example.  I do talk about God and the things I've experienced through Him, but that's simply to share something that has me "walking on the clouds".

And by sharing, I'm not trying to make you believe, that's your choice, but because I'm just asking you to be happy for me.  

So, all I ask over the next few posts is that you be happy for me that God answered my prayers and showed me His Truth, because I am so excited that I feel like I'm going to bust if I don't tell someone.

So . . .  stayed tuned!!!