So That's Another One!

Good Morning!!  How have you all been since the last time we talked?  I know.  It's been longer than normal since my last post, but I promise it was for a good reason, my grand-baby came to visit.  And there is nothing better than listening to kids laugh.  It does the spirit good.

I noticed that there have been a lot of people who have only read the first part of my two-part post called, "The Eye Opener".  I encourage you to read the second half if you haven't, because it reveals how God taught me to see myself as He sees me.  It might help you understand why I share the things I do.  And I hope it help you see yourself differently.  And it was such a turning point in my life that I now have a tattoo on my wrist -- the only tattoo that I have I might add, lol.

That's why I share the things I do, because I was so miserable that at one point in my life I truly didn't care whether I lived or died.  Honestly, I thought about dying every day.  The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I was so afraid of losing my last chance at knowing love, because I believed that if I did, God would never forgive me.

Trust me,  at that point of my life, you could almost hear the party that the devil was throwing to celebrate.  He was a happy camper right then.

Like I've said before, that's his one goal in his miserable existence, to make us miserable so that we won't turn to God, or can't believe God would want us, forgive us, or love us.  He causes us to be rejected, bullied, and abused.  He causes us to fail, or to only see ourselves as failures.  He loves to put the grayest and gloomiest glasses on us, that only allows us to see the worst.

But that's NOT who God is, or what He does.  And the devil doesn't want you to realize that, he wants you to believe the worst about God.  And if he keeps you believing the worst about yourself, then it's easier for him to make you believe the worst about God.

Want to do an experiment?  Today, every time something negative happens, take a second, and whisper - just whisper- "Give it up devil.  I choose not to believe your lies about this."  Then, wait to see what happens.

I can tell you what will probably happen.  The first thing, you'll probably get some peace, along with something positive happening.  But then almost immediately afterwards, the devil will come against you again.  After all, he's a spiteful and jealous little brat.  And we all know how people like that can be, sometimes they need you to "stick to your guns" before they finally get the message.

So, when the devil comes against you again, just do the same thing again.  Kind of like in a video game when you keep attacking the enemy, their health bar/power bar will decrease while you become  more powerful.  It's the same thing when you stand your ground against the little brat, the devil, he loses power.  And you open a crack for God to move through.


Sometimes though, we have to learn the truth about the devil before we can learn God's Truth.  We have to learn to see the devil's lies before can see past them to the truth.   Because when you become aware of just how the devil works, and of his lies, then the illusion fades and you can see the wall.  Then the cracks in the wall become visible.  It isn't long after that, that you realize that you can see through those cracks to the other side.  

And just one of those cracks is all God needs.  Just one!  Then He can start showing you His truth, along with revealing to you, your truth as He knows it.

That's why I share, because if I can help one of you find this out even soon than I did,  then cool - I'm glad.

Love you guys!

Stay safe!!

Talk to you soon.

Two Small Questions

Good Morning!  How are you today?  I’m hoping the rain will stop before we have to move some furniture tonight.

I have to be honest, I’m not sure what to write about today. 

There’s a lot that I want to share with you, especially since I seem to have finally found my niche.  For years I have wanted to write, to get something out and onto paper.  I’ve tried writing poetry, stories, or even just my thoughts about stuff, but yet nothing ever flowed.

Even when I started this blog, I was doing it to fulfill that need to write about something.  But yet, I could never find a subject matter to stick with.

Then towards the end of last year, I reached a point in my life after having just learned about the Gifts of the Spirit, where I started asking God, “What’s your purpose for me?  What is my gift?”  I truly didn’t have a clue, even though, like I wrote about in my posts, “The Eye Opener Parts 1 & 2”, God had already taught me how He seen me, I still didn’t know my purpose in life.

And be prepared, because when you ask God those two questions He will start revealing to you everything that you are ready to receive in a way that the only words I can think of to describe it are; avalanche, suddenly being able to see, pulling back the curtain  . . .  phrases like that.

After uttering those words to God, now I totally get what John Newton meant in the first verse of his hymn, “Amazing Grace” when he said, “. . . I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now, I see.”  Because it’s just like that.  When you get to the place where you need to be in your faith, God takes the blinders off and reveals to you His Truth!  He will even cause you to be able to look back and see how everything has lead up to this moment, like dominoes falling one after another to form a pattern or path that got you to where you are.  He’ll cause you to understand things you couldn’t understand before.

And now my blinders are off!  I can look back and see how I have always been able to help people understand, or look at things in a way that helps them.  I have always been able to study the Bible successfully when I couldn’t study anything else without becoming discouraged and overwhelmed.

Then in January, I was still asking God what my purpose was (He had revealed to me what my gifts were – I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do with them), and suddenly I started having almost violent physical reactions when someone who was supposed to be a Christian quoted the Bible wrong.  I would start shaking, hard, and get very sick to my stomach.  I would also be overwhelmed by an urge to just sob uncontrollably.   My heart would race so hard that you would have thought I had been running for my life.

One morning after it happened, I prayed and asked God why it was happening and to reveal to me His Truth about what was going on.  That’s when my blog took a whole different track. 

To say I had an urge to start sharing everything God had taught me, is an understatement!  It was so strong, pushed would be a better word to use then to call it an urge.  I felt pushed.

 

Now there’s no end to the things I want to share with you that I have to stop myself from posting several times a day.  And there’s no thought to any of it, it just flows, like water from a faucet.

I asked God two small questions, a total of nine words, now look where I am.  And yet, I’ve never felt totally fulfilled before this.  Isn’t it fascinating how He’ll work sometimes?  Definitely never boring!!!

Till next time,

Stay Safe!!

Love ya!!

Yep! That's What He Does.

Good Morning!  I hope your day is going well.  My day has started out well, the new coffee creamer that I tried is a lot better than I thought it would be.  Lol.

I want to share something with you that happened over the weekend.

My family and I were doing our Bible study together, something we do every Sunday. 

And afterwards, before we said our closing prayer, we were discussing baptism.  One of our sons had asked if he could be baptized, a choice that we left to them to make, but the other son was hesitant.

So, we asked him why he wasn't sure about it, and he explained that he thought he would have to be perfect, or at least a lot better at making the right choices before he could be baptized.  And, of course, my husband and I explained, again, that God doesn't expect him to be perfect.  God cares more about what's in his heart.  And if in his heart, he wanted to do what's right for God, and was willing to try, that's what mattered to God.

We reminded him that God knows he's not going to be perfect, because God already knows him.  And that all baptism really is, is his acceptance of God in his heart and life, his acceptance of Jesus and Jesus' death so that he could have a relationship with God.  That and his promise that he will do his best to live his life as Christ-like as possible.

As we were beginning to clear up his misunderstanding about what baptism really means, we were interrupted.  First by our dog, "Lola B." who was standing at the bottom of the stairs and barking repeatedly.  But, we just figured she was throwing a temper-tantrum because she was stuck downstairs because of the gate, instead of being able to be upstairs with us.

But then our little dog, who never barks, started doing just that, repeatedly.  Since that was out-of-character for her, my husband and sons all got up and went downstairs to investigate.  And they ended up being down there for a few minutes because even with the guys down there, the dogs kept barking.  When they had thoroughly checked things out and were convinced nothing was actually wrong, they came back upstairs.

As soon as they were in the room, I told our son, we'll call him "Lil Colonel" because of his love of history, that I was pretty sure that he had begun to change his thinking about what being baptized meant. He asked me how I knew that, and I in turn, asked him if it was right about the time the dogs started barking.  He answered yes.

That's when I pointed out to him and his brother something that I have told you, the devil will do anything he can to keep us from having a relationship with God.  Even doing something like causing a distraction of dogs barking in an attempt to keep us from helping our son to know the truth.

That's what he does, lies, steals, distracts and destroys, whatever it takes to make you not want to know God.

I know.  It sounds kind of silly.  But I say this; look back at your life, how many times has something happened that caused you to believe that you weren't worthy of something?  How many times has something happened that caused you to question whether there is even a God? That's what the devil does. That is his whole goal, to keep us apart from God.

It was really cool to see my sons get it, actually see it themselves.  You could see the minute that they made that connection, especially "Lil Colonel" because he was the one being held back to begin with.

I hope that just like the boys, you learn it too, and soon, because I didn't learn it till just these last few years.  I always loved God, believed in God, but because of the garbage that the devil threw at me, I didn't believe I was worthy. Once I did learn it though, my relationship with God grew by leaps and bounds.  The peace and security that I have now is so much deeper then what it was before.

And that is my hope for you.

With that shared, I hope you have a great day.  I'll talk to you again soon.

Stay safe.

Love ya.

Part 2 of The Eye Opener

Anyway . . . .Back to our story . . . 

At one point during the two years, something happened with my youngest daughter that God would use to help drive His message for me home.  Once I was able to put it all together anyway. LOL

My daughter, who was four at the time, we call her “Renni” because she’s a Renaissance girl, was upstairs playing and I had started dinner.  You know how you’ll be busy doing something and not realize how hungry you are until you smell food? Well, that’s what happened with “Renni” because she came down to the kitchen and asked for cookies.  I, of course told her no, that I was fixing dinner. 

Well, “Renni” didn’t take that very well, and every hurtful thing that could possibly come out of a four-year-old’s mouth did!  Everything from telling me that she wished I was dead, to telling me that she was going to go live with her aunt.  And all because they weren’t mean to her like I was.  (Sound familiar?)

I never got mad at her, not at all.  Didn’t even lose my patience or raise my voice.  I just simply looked at her and told her, “‘Renni’, I’m not talking to you like that and I won’t let you talk to me that way.  Go sit on your bed and when you calm down I’ll talk to you.”  I had to say it several times as I pretty much herded her to her room, as she continued to rant at me, but I never lost my temper or patience.

How was I able to stay calm?  Because I “knew”, meaning that I was assuming  why she was reacting the way she was,  I "knew" to “Renni” eating when hungry was a big comfort.  To all of us it is, but to her it was extremely so.  She didn’t eat all the time.  She didn’t look for food when she was upset, or bored, it was only when she was hungry and being able to satisfy that hunger for some reason was more than just physically fulfilling. 

 

So, “knowing” that, understanding that, I had no anger and was able to stay patient. 

The first time I told someone about it, in the summer of 1996, they had an almost violent response to the story.  That person was almost seething when she told me how I, “should have beaten her ass!” 

I looked at this woman calmly and asked her why when I knew that “Renni” had reacted the only way she knew at the time, so I didn’t feel any anger about it as it was happening, and I didn't as I was telling her. (I still don't.)

Now did you notice when this confrontation with this woman happened?  The summer of 1996, two years and three months since my outburst at God. As soon as I was finished telling this woman about the incident with “Renni” I finally got what God had been trying to tell me since that spring day back in `94!  I couldn’t wait to leave so that I could get home and read it again.

Luke 11:11-13, “¹¹ If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? Or, if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
¹² Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
¹³ If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?” (KJV King James Version)

I like the way the Living Bible says it;

 “¹¹ “You men who are fathers—if your boy asks for bread, do you give him a stone? If he asks for fish, do you give him a snake? ¹² If he asks for an egg, do you give him a scorpion? Of course not!
¹³ “And if even sinful persons like yourselves give children what they need, don’t you realize that your heavenly Father will do at least as much, and give the Holy Spirit to those who ask for him?”

When I got home and read it again that day, I started crying, more like bawling, with relief.  I finally got it!  I finally got what God had been trying to “tell” me since that spring day when I raged at Him and then started begging for forgiveness!

He was telling me that just like I’m a parent to “Renni”, He’s my parent.

So, if I, “being evil”- meaning being only human, could forgive my daughter so completely for everything she said, how much more could God forgive me? 

After all, I could only guess why “Renni” reacted and said all the things she did.
But God, He KNEW why I said all those things.  He KNEW my heart, just like He KNEW everything the devil threw at me to cause me to be so desperate and afraid of never knowing a safe love.  He wasn’t having to guess, He KNEW!

He had been telling me all along, that if I could love my daughter so compassionately and forgive her so completely just being human, then He was able to love me even more compassionately and forgive me even more completely because He was God.

Like I said, God KNOWS you.  He KNOWS your heart, and everything the devil has used to build up strongholds (scars, baggage) in you that influence your decisions, your actions.  And because He is God, He can forgive you and love you far more deeply and compassionately than any human ever could. 

That day, my past, my future, and especially how I viewed myself took on a whole different "light". And my deepest, sincerest hope is that someday, you'll get to have a moment like that yourself.  It's a moment that is beyond the ability of any words to describe.  There's just no words to describe the intensity and beauty, joy and hope that you experience. 

Till next time . . . 

Love you all!!

Stay safe!!

The Eye Opener . . Part 1

Good Morning!  How’s things in your little piece of the planet?  They’re good here.  Yep – I do have my cup of coffee. Lol  I’m kind of predictable that way, though my family would call me a coffee addict lol.  I’m not that bad, it’s more of a comforting routine.  I have a cup while I study my Bible, and I have a cup while I write to you.  And that’s usually it.  Sometimes on payday I’ll have another cup while I figure out bills and such.

 

Last time I told you that I would tell you about how God taught me to see me as He sees me.  And I’d really, really like to share that with you, but I'm going to break it up over two posts so it will be easier to read, so here goes. . . .

Let’s start with a little clarification on my part. 

I told you that the devil will throw things at you to try to steal your faith, and that one of the ways could be sexual abuse.  And I know this because he used it against me.  

As a child I was molested by both men and women, some of them extended family members, the rest babysitters, or the family members of babysitters or friends. And the cycle continued on into adulthood, which is usually called rape at that stage of life.  But because I learned at a young age that the less that I fought, the less it would hurt, as an adult I didn’t looked like the TV and movie version of a  rape victim.  But regardless of whether or not I was bruised and bloody, when a person is not given a choice as to whether they participate in the sexual act, it is rape. 

It took me years of counseling, over four to be exact, to learn that.  But even with the counseling, I still believed deep down inside that I was unlovable, undesirable, and even to God.  That’s one of the things that sexual abuse trains you to believe, that you are not valuable.  That your feelings, physical safety, and especially your sexual safety is of no value, and that the only thing that matters is the abuser’s needs.

And that’s exactly what the devil was trying to do, cause all of those feelings in me to make it harder to have faith in God.  Think about it, when you have negative feelings about yourself, are you going to believe that God loves you?  No, you don’t.  

I never stopped believing in God, I never lost my faith, just my faith in my value to God.  I truly believed that there was something wrong with me that caused all those people to hurt me, and that whatever was wrong with me would keep God from thinking I was good enough for Him.

And with that explained I’ll jump to 1993, right after Thanksgiving.  I hadn’t met my husband yet, so, I was still dating, and around this time I started dating a guy, let’s call him “K”.  He was a kind man with a good heart, but he had his own scars from his own childhood sexual abuse.  Which ended up playing a big role in his leaving me for a woman who was an abusive person herself.  But, while we were together though, he ended up being able to heal some of the sexual abuse scars that I had.  He put a lot of time and effort into convincing me that I NEVER had to let anyone take sex from me again because my feelings, my needs in that area DID  MATTER and had VALUE!

By the spring of 1994 though, our relationship started falling apart.  He had met the other woman, and she was very adept at playing on his own scars to convince him he was better off with her.  But because of what “K" had done for me, I became so desperate to not lose him that I begged for God to cause “K” to come back.  I couldn’t believe that I would ever find someone else who would ever love me like that again.

And when God didn’t answer my prayer, I lost it.  I drove to a secluded part of the park, got out of my car and started screaming at God. (I didn’t know it at the time but it was because He knew He had someone better planned for me.)  I called Him every dirty name in the book, told Him that I hated Him, and I questioned Him as to what good was it to believe in Him.  Every hateful thing I had verbally, I used.  Every bit of hurt, fear, and disappointment came out in the ugliest of words.

But then, as the energy of my feelings started to die out, I started to feel guilty and I started thinking, “Oh man!  God’s never going to forgive me now!  I’m going to hell. I have committed the worst of sins, I blasphemed God,” along with every other version of that guilt that I could imagine. 

I started sobbing and begging God to forgive me.

Every time I would pray and beg God to forgive me, he would put the same Bible verses from Luke in front of me. 

He would put someone in my path who would tell me to read those scriptures, or He would put the need in me that would cause me to pick up the right devotional and turn to the correct page.  And on those Sundays that I didn’t have to work and was able to go to church, the preacher would mention those verses.  

And I caught on to the “coincidence” of all this, I just wasn’t getting the message.  This went on for over two years.  Yep, it took me that long to finally get the message.  Hey! I admit it, I can be slow sometimes, but at least I do catch on . . . eventually! LOL

Anyway . . . . 

We will stop here for a brief intermission during our story.  Stay tuned.  The second half is coming right up. . . I promise!